


I like your beard

by magenta



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Glam Rock RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-09
Updated: 2011-05-09
Packaged: 2017-10-19 04:24:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/196840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magenta/pseuds/magenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Adam's goatee decides he's had enough of playing second fiddle when he's a real star...but is fame everything he'd thought it would be?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I like your beard

**Author's Note:**

> So...this is the crackiest thing I have ever written. Let's just get that out of the way! I am fully aware that this is insane :) For that insanity, I have to thank for planting this idea in my head, and to for convincing me to actually post it. I hope you get a laugh out of it, because that's what it's meant for!

Coming to life felt weird. It didn't hurt or anything, but it was kind of fuzzy and thick, and definitely confusing. The world was big, and his first thought was how ridiculously inconvenient it was to be attached to someone else's face, totally unable to control his own movements. It took a couple of days to even figure out who and what he was, and to stop trying to scream when the hands attached to the body that was apparently called Adam came at him with the shiny thing that snicked sharply along his edges.

 **Adam Lambert debuts new goatee on red carpet!** He read quickly as Adam scrolled through something called Twitter, headlines flipping by, all about the same thing. Adam's hand came up and stroked him, briefly, and that did kind of feel good.

“I can't believe my goatee is getting all this press! It's just hair!” Adam called out across the room to another man, smaller and blonder, who came over to rub his fingers over Adam's face, stroking the hair on his chin a little firmer than Adam had.

“It is not just hair, it is lovely.” The man bent to kiss Adam, and that was a little stifling, but nice in it's way. “I love your goatee, I will miss it when it's gone.”

 _Ah, I must be Goatee!_ he thought to himself. _What does he mean 'gone'?_ Just as Goatee was contemplating what 'gone' might mean for him, the smaller man was bending forward again, his lips moving against Adam's until Adam groaned, dragging the smaller man to the bed and doing things to him that made Goatee feel a little embarrassed for watching, and also left him wishing he could have his own smaller and blonder partner.

 

For the next few days, Goatee paid close attention and read everything he could. Whenever Adam scrolled through his Twitter or read articles, Goatee was there, gaze trained on every tweet and every headline. He realized pretty quickly that he was famous! He was on Perez Hilton, and Adam was getting thousands of tweets every hour about him. Not all were positive, but in his short life, Goatee had learned that to be a real star, you had to be a little controversial. That was why when Adam started taking about shaving, getting rid of him, Goatee was shocked and more than a little scared. Why would you get rid of something that made your name appear all over the headlines? Wasn't any publicity good publicity?

One night came when Goatee knew he had to act, had to get off Adam's face and step into his stardom alone. Adam was on the phone with the small man Goatee now realized was called Sauli, and before long the conversation turned to discussion of him.

“I think I'm going to shave.”

“I know you like it, but I think it's time.”

“Well...yeah, I guess they did get to me a little.”

“You too. Night, baby.”

Adam hung up and flicked the lights off, rolling over to go to sleep. Goatee didn't sleep though, he lay there on Adam's face and tried to think of a plan. Could he really go off on his own? He had no idea, and no way of finding out. Across the room, a window stood open, the curtains fluttering lightly in the breeze and Goatee knew this was his chance. He had to get out that window. He tensed himself up, squeezing muscles that he didn't even know he had and he moved. Barely a millimetre, but he knew he'd moved. He did it again and again, sweat beading up in his hair until suddenly, he fell forward onto the pillow. Dazed, he stood up and looked around. He realized that he _could_ stand up, and he looked down and saw that he had legs and feet. He held out his arms and looked at his brand new hands, wonder widening his eyes. He was shocked out of stillness when Adam stirred, making a soft noise that sounded a little pained, rolling onto his back and rubbing a hand over his face.

“Wha...” Adam spoke softly, sitting up and flicking on the light before scrubbing his hand over his chin again. His eyes widened when he turned and saw Goatee standing on the pillow next to him, and he blinked several times, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. He reached out his fingers towards Goatee, but Goatee found his feet, stumbling away and figuring out how to run. He scrambled up the curtains and was just about to leap out the window when he heard Adam talking quietly to himself.

“I guess I'd better tell people I shaved...” He ran his hand over him chin again, and then turned to the window, staring at the spot where Goatee stood, poised to jump. “Did I shave? I don't remember taking anything tonight...” Adam shook his head, like he was trying to shake things into a place where they made sense.

Goatee kind of felt bad for causing him to be so confused when his chin really had been a pretty good home. “Hey, Adam?” He was surprised to find that he had a voice, and that it carried to the bed.

Adam turned to him once again, shifting across the bed to get closer. “Um...yes?”

“Thanks, for letting me live on your face. It's been fun, but I've got to go make something of myself, live my own life.” Adam nodded at him, his head moving a little jerkily. Goatee took one last look at a bewildered Adam and leapt out the window, the ground beneath it cool and soft under his feet. He was free., able to do anything and go anywhere he wanted. So what _did_ he want?

 

Goatee wasn't sure what he expected from freedom, but life off of Adam's face was definitely different from anything he could have imagined. He was actually a little bit disappointed for a second when he realized he wasn't the only goatee that had become aware and gone off on his own, but he'd probably be pretty lonely if he was.

It was the night after he'd left Adam, and he was sitting in a little cafe, surrounded by all kinds of other mustaches and beards. Goatee watched bushy mustaches trimmed with grey, well-groomed shiny goatees, and even the occasional soul patch filter in and out of the cafe, his head still spinning just a little. He was still beard-watching and sipping a tiny mug of coffee when someone came over to him, a blonde mustache with a few ginger strands shot through.

"Um...I hope this isn't weird, but are you Adam Lambert's goatee?" The mustache twirled his long fingers nervously in his hair, speaking softly.

"That's not weird, and yeah, I am." Goatee looked closer at the mustache, and smiled, gesturing to the chair opposite him."You want to sit down? I'll get you a coffee."

The mustache sat down as Goatee waved over a waitress and ordered more coffee."Ever since Adam announced that he'd shaved, we've all been wondering if he really did or..." The mustache smiled at goatee, and held out a hand."I'm Moe, by the way."

Goatee took his hand and shook it softly. "Moe. It's nice to meet you." As Goatee looked across the table at the adorable strawberry blonde mustache sipping gently at a cup of coffee, he was definitely glad he wasn't alone out here.

 

Once he'd been recognized that first time, word clearly got out that he was in town. Hardly a day went by when someone didn't come up to him and commend him on the fine work he'd done when he was still with Adam, or ask him what his plans were now that he'd been liberated. He honestly didn't know if he had plans, but for now he took advantage of the opportunities offered to him, his new life full of excitement.

He was invited to parties nearly every night, everything from big glamourous affairs studded with stars to small, intimate gatherings where he often became the centre of attention, as the new guy. He saw the sun rise nearly every morning for longer than he cared to think about, and one morning as Goatee sat up in his bed and looked around at his apartment, it occurred to him that he hadn’t really paid for any of this stuff, not even the rent. He’d taken photos for a few billboards, used a couple specific brands of hair care products, and the money and free stuff started rolling in. The biggest surprise was the day he’d received a phone call from the handlebar mustache that manned the door to his building that there was a little red convertible sitting at the curb, and it had his name on it.

The car is what finally got him to drag himself out of bed and race downstairs, but not before calling Moe to tell him he was coming to get him. Over the past few weeks, Moe was the only thing that had kept Goatee from completely collapsing. He came to all of the parties with him, smiling for the camera and charming reporters and knowing the exact moment when Goatee had had enough, and needed to get out. He spent the night often, and those mornings were the best. Moe was an amazing cook, and Goatee was sure he’d never get sick of waking up to the smell of bacon and waffles.

Goatee pulled up to Moe’s and honked the horn, smiling the second he stepped out the door and nearly skipped towards the car.

“Oh my god, this thing is amazing!” Moe slid into the passenger seat, sliding his fingers over the soft leather and groaning as he settled in. “Do you get to keep it?”

“I think so. I just have to do a commercial or something, it was in the note.” Goatee waved a hand towards the card tucked under the visor, and grinned at Moe. “So, wanna take it for a spin?”

Goatee drove fast, speeding through the city towards the beach, the salty air blowing through their hair. Moe laughed as the wind whipped around them, his voice almost disappearing on the breeze. He tossed his arms above his head, turned his wide, easy smile to Goatee, who smiled back, feeling suddenly warm all over. He took one hand off the wheel and reached out towards Moe, twining their fingers together and slowing down just a little so they could really enjoy the scenery.

When he was still with Adam, Goatee had seen so much of LA that he thought he’d seen everything. What he hadn’t known was that alongside the big bright lights, was a smaller world, one more his size, and for the first time he really got to explore it, with Moe. He'd been swept up so fast in the whirlwind of sudden fame, that he didn't think he'd seen anything other than the inside of a party or a club since he'd left Adam. Now, he pulled into the parking lot of a little cafe not far from the beach, and was completely grateful when no one gave them a second look as they walked through the door.

Goatee went up to the grizzly beard behind the counter and got them both cappuccinos and cookies, and they curled up on one of the couches stuffed into the corner of the cafe. Moe took a sip of his latte, sighing, and when he pulled the cup away Goatee couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’ve got a little...” He started to gesture to Moe, but then reached the rest of the way, wiping away the foam that was clinging to the very edges of Moe’s lips. Goatee was about to wipe his hand off on a napkin when Moe grabbed it, his fingers gentle around Goatee’s wrist. He brought Goatee’s hand to his mouth and licked the foam from his fingers, his tongue warm against Goatee’s skin.

Moe’s voice was low and a little naughty when he spoke, the corners of his mouth turning up in a secret grin. “Did I get it?”

Goatee let out a shaky laugh, and swatted lightly at Moe’s hand. “Yeah, you got it.” In near perfect unison, they both lifted their mugs to take long sips of their cappuccinos, and the moment passed just as quickly as it had come about. Their conversation flowed like it had never stopped, and every time Moe’s laughter bubbled out of him, Goatee felt a little skip somewhere inside of him.

By the time they left the cafe, the sun was already starting to sink in the sky, the breeze cooling down just enough to feel pleasant. Goatee drove slow this time, in no hurry to get anywhere. he drove with one hand on the wheel and the other twined with Moe’s, resting on the console.

“Hey, have you actually been to the beach yet?” Moe turned suddenly to Goatee,squeezing his hand. “You totally haven’t! You’ve been here for what, like weeks or months, and you’ve never been to the beach! Pull over!”

Five minutes later, they were hand in hand, running full speed down an empty beach towards the water and the sunset. The fading light made Moe’s hair glow bright, and Goatee was struck for what felt like the millionth time just how beautiful he was. When he’d left Adam, Goatee hadn’t known what he really wanted, but now as he left himself be dragged through the damp sand, following the high, clear sounds of Moe’s laugh, he knew. He wanted Moe, and anything else he got was just a bonus.


End file.
